Where did you get a picture of my penis
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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