Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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