from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
