i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
