I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
