Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize