he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
