so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
