just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize