I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
