i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
