some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize