this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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