Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
