I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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