I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We left the knife in your bed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
