do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
