dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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