Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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