you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize