Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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