Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
