Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
