wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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