A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
