the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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