Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
