He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
