I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
