took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
