FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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