the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
