A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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