is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
