can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
