we have officially lost it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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