I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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