I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
