I wanna bring you to show and tell
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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