I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
