It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
