i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
