He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
