i barfeds in our rink
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize