to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
