the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
