I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
