if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize