is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
