anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We're too hungover to prance.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
