i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was confusing and full of hummus
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
