you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
