An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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