His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If the people youβre with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
