you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
