dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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