I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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