We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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