theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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