He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
