On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
