But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish you could order shots online.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
