oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
