I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
