Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
