You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
