but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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