Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
