There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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