I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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