what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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