That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
