she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize