Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
