I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
